I am going to go on The Bachelor.
If you have no idea what The Bachelor is, go here: Rosie Recaps
And if you can’t be bothered going there, just continue reading…
The Bachelor is a reality TV program where 20 girls battle for the love of a man which is represented in the way of receiving a rose. No rose? Then adios amigos!!
Now now.. . I hear you wondering, “Why would a broken woman 25 years of age who only lost her partner just under a year ago want to go on such a thing?!”
Well hear me out.
Here is my list of why I should go on The Bachelor 2016:
Reason Number 1: You are forced to go slow. No jumping in bed with some random hottie after 25 drinks which makes you think, “YES THIS IS DEFINITELY THE RIGHT TIME FOR ME TO TRY AND MOVE ON!!” Resulting in the morning after regrets.
Reason Number 2: He has to be nice to you after you drop the W (widow) bomb. If he’s not, the nation would just deem him an asshole.
Reason Number 3: You are subtlety revealing to a wider audience your background story, resulting in a lesser chance of having to reveal the W bomb to suitors in the future (what IS the widow etiquette here? Date 1, Date 2, Date 3? Anyone? Anyone??). Admittedly there is a slight flaw in the plan at this point as the likelihood of the audience being single, heterosexual males is quite limited.
Reason Number 4: You get to dress up and look hot in sparkly dresses while drinking copious amounts of alcohol, DUUUHH.
So as you can see this plan is ingenious and is MUCH better than my Options A, B, and C that I wrote about here:
In our year of living together in Australia, Chris and I would watch a renovation reality show called The Block religiously. Chris was super duper talented at building things out of wood and my eye was quite adept at styling. We made a pretty incredible team (and a beautiful house) and just to put the cherry on top he was a major hotty to boot! I thought we would be a shoe in for sure!!
Chris said no.
I can just see him shaking his head, showing his amusement with a slight grin on his face at my master plans right now…
Jeez, I’d better get on with practicing those head and body photo shoots needed for the application!!
DISCLAIMER: This post may or may not have been written with tongue firmly in cheek…